If you’re binging podcasts while doing dishes…
Reading books like it’s your job…
Getting in rooms with people who think bigger…
Then the people who “knew you best” 10, 5, or even just 3 years ago?
They might not know you at all anymore.
And I don’t say that to be dramatic. I say it because I’ve lived it.
Story Time: They Froze Me in a Version That No Longer Exists
Not long ago, someone I used to spend a lot of time with called me a “Type A, hard-driving taskmaster.”
She said it like it was a fact. Like she knew me.
And honestly? She should know me because we once were thick as thieves.
But I realized in that moment…
She has no idea who I am anymore.
She still sees me as the me of 15 years ago, back when I worked 7 days a week, craved control, outworked everyone else in the office, and measured my self-worth in productivity.
But after five years of practicing the Sabbath – real rest, not just stepping away from work, but from doing altogether – I’m not even close to that version of myself anymore.
Don’t get me wrong. I still love working hard.
But I also love:
- Slow mornings with nothing on the calendar
- Reading a book outside on the patio while rain pours down
- Rooftop bar dates with my husband
- 3-hour coffee chats
- Sitting on the couch for hours with the people I love (no phones!)
That old me?
She’s long gone.
But to this woman who said what she said, I stayed frozen in time – unchanging. To her, I am still at the last version she experienced.
And we do this, too. Ever see a child or teenager you haven’t seen in 3-5 years? What comes out of your mouth?
“Oh my gosh! You’ve grown so much!”
It’s because in your mind, they never changed since the last time you saw them. The same thing happens with people who used to know us quite well. They see us how we used to be – not the person today who’s brimming with ideas and has invested hundreds of hours and thousands of dollars in growth.
And Then There Was the Guy Who Introduced Me as “My Old Assistant”
Let me be clear: I honor the work of assistants. I hire assistants. I love and respect the VAs in my own programs.
Truth be told, I think a rockstar assistant at any company of any size (yes even Fortune 100 companies) is the single most important role in the entire company second only to the founder/CEO. But that’s a whole tirade for a different day…
But the guy who introduced me that way?
It wasn’t about respecting the work I’d done for him.
It was about diminishing who I’ve become by stacking stuck on who I used to be.
He was almost snide about the fact that I later became a Director of Operations and now am called a business coach. In his mind, I was “his” VA and he thought it was funny that people call me their business coach.
What’s interesting is that he in particular is aware that I’ve spent tens of thousands of dollars investing in higher education and later on business training, coaching, industry-specific certifications, and strategic development.
And, FAR more important than that – my work in the field. Literally thousands of hours in real work in the real world helping business owners scale up to 6, 7, and 8 figures.
Even if presented with legitimate and real data that I now have more operational and business development experience than he does, he wouldn’t be able to move past how he sees me.
I truly believe I have grown more in the last three years than I did in the previous 20.
So when he said “my old assistant”?
It was because in his mind, I am frozen in time at the moment we last spent time together.
And it got me thinking about you and the labels people who used to know you put on you.
This Is What Happens When You Grow
You stayed frozen in their memory, and not because you’ve stopped growing, but because they have.
This is the tension that comes with rapid personal growth.
You’re investing time, money, energy, and attention into becoming better.
You’re growing faster than a baby kitten, sweet one! Someone could not speak to you for 5 months and in that short time, you’ve changed significantly!
And so often, people who keep you small in their mind? They are talking to a version of you that doesn’t exist anymore.
Be Careful Who You Let Speak Into Your Life
People from your past usually mean well. They aren’t trying to hurt you or diminish you.
But if they haven’t spent a lot of time with you in the present, they have no clue who you are anymore.
Don’t ever let them speak “truth” into you when they are talking to an old version of you. Especially when they say they’re trying to protect you!
They don’t know the risks you’ve taken in your business.
Or how you’ve leveled up in your skillset.
Or the countless hours of podcast learning, client work, wins, failures, pivots, tears and triumphs you’ve experienced in such a short amount of time.
They’re speaking to a photograph in a scrapbook… to who you used to be.
And that’s dangerous because old voices can pull you back into old thought patterns or make you feel small. They want you safe… even when your heart is exploding with what your business could do! Of what you could do!
Have you ever thought: Who am I to want so much more?
This happens a lot when we’ve spent too much time with people who don’t understand our rapid growth.
Growth Requires Discernment
You don’t have to prove anything. I know it’s hard but when people are trying to claim they know you but it’s the you of 17 versions ago, it’s best to breathe in, breathe out, smile and let it go.
You don’t need to correct them or argue.
This is the narrative that goes through my mind:
They are speaking to the iPhone 5. I am not the iPhone 5 anymore. There have been TONS of updates and upgrades since then – and there will never stop being more updates and upgrades. I’m changing so fast that even in a year, their version of me will be outdated.
And it’s ok for them to think they know me. They’re holdin’ tight to that super old iPhone 5 and believe it’s the newest version that just hit the stores. It’s ok for them to think that. It’s not ok for me to downgrade to an old version that is wayyyyy outdated. I’m the newest iPhone baby and getting better all the time!
This might sound funny but truly – try it. It takes all emotion out of it and when you think like this, you’ll laugh at how true it is!
If someone never upgraded to a new phone, they would think the one they have is perfectly fine. They know it like the back of their hand. All the while, they would have NO clue about all the things the newest iPhone can do.
Don’t try to correct or change them. Let them be.
Just don’t let them define you by who you were years – or even months – ago.
The sign of a good business owner is one whose heart feels like it could burst with all their excitement at the possibilities. The old you couldn’t even imagine where you are today.
And you’re getting better all the time.
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This is what I wish I had earlier – now they’re yours.
